Wednesday, 15 June 2011


I'm taking a short break from telling the story of the American trip. There's something I need to say. Call it catharsis, call it therapy, call it tragic fandom bordering on hysteria. Call it what you like, I don't care cos this is my fucking blog.

Besides, this won't take long.

In the news today is the story of two sub-human little runt-bags who have been arrested in connection with a plot to kidnap and murder Joss Stone. Now, I realise that most of you don't share my unhealthy obsession with Ms Stone but as I said I don't really care because this is my fucking blog. The point here is, why would anyone want to kidnap and murder her? Or any harmless, innocent 24-year-old? I can just about fathom in the darkest recesses of my mind why people might not like Joss, and even why someone might think she is a prime target for a robbery. After all, she is worth around £10million. Doubtless there are plenty of valuables at her Devon country home worth nicking. But kidnap? Murder?

It is reported that police found swords, rope and a body bag when they arrested the festering scumbag pair just outside the house on Monday morning. Honestly, if this sort of thing turned up on a crime drama on frigging Universal you would think it too far fetched and switch over to The Only Way Is Essex. Yet to think it actually happened, and that the target was someone so inoffensive just beggars belief. Just to re-iterate, Joss Stone is an angel, and one of the greatest English singing talents in a generation. If this plot had been successful well then I for one would have had one less pleasure in the world. Oh shush now, I'm talking about the music. The absence of which would only leave lager, and all bets are off after that eighth bottle of Bud. Actually, it's more like five these days.

Thankfully, Stone was not at her home at the time of this filthy, borederline treasonable incident. She has issued a statement to let freaks like me know that she is fine and getting on with life as normal. But for how long? Her unpopularity, while baffling to me, could well attract the attention of other sickos with similarly disturbing intentions. The authorities should now do what they can to lower the probability of this by hanging these two excuses for human beings at the first available opportunity.

There, I feel slightly better now. Did I tell you I have been to America? Oh, and to see Take That too.........


Lee said...

I did think of you when I heard about this Ste, I'm glad you're ok! (and Joss too.)

Stephen Orford said...

Thanks mate, shocking business.