Ok, so it is Thursday night. I have just been down to my local for a bit of Karaoke. Is that supposed to have a capital K? Who knows? Who cares?
Anyway, there are some observations which need to be made about this. First of all it is always the same people who sing. Namely me, and about three or four other people under the misguided notion that they can carry a tune any more than they can carry Gary Barlow up the M6 on their backs.
Why is it always ABBA with these people? And if not ABBA then that God Awful Buttercup song from Something About Mary. The worst thing about local Karaoke's is that when I get up and do an incredibly average turn the people there think I can sing. All of which leads to me getting up there four or five times until by the end I have shattered the myth that I can sing and ended up just as bad as everyone else. The awful truth is that I would love to be a good singer, but I'm not. There are many things I would love to be that I am not, and in most cases I just accept it and give up. Why can I not equate that to Karaoke?
The secret to my success at Karaoke would of course be to quit while I am ahead. Uncle Kracker's Follow Me? Yep. easy peasy. Everyone thinks that goes down a storm. Angels? Yep, everyone enjoys that too. My Way? Still OK. The older clientele really appreciate this. I don't know why. If I was old then a song about death would make me feel a tad depressed but they seem to lap it up. Words by Boyzone? Ok, we are wavering now. Can't do the first line of the chorus, never will be able to. Yet every time I enter a licensed premises I convince myself that maybe I can. Finally we get down to Wherever You Will Go by The Calling and it goes completely tits up. Why is it that I can't hear myself when I am singing that song on Karaoke? Play it to me in the car or on my walkman and I can belt it out with the best of them, but take away my backing and I sound like an X Factor freak show who has been hand picked to make the viewers laugh. Like Chico
What worries me the most about all this is that at some point I am going to get drunk enough and placed into a situation where I sing in front of my new work colleagues. Now my old work colleagues thought it was great because I knew my limitations and everyone went home before I got to the shit bit. But with this mad lot they are out until they drop sometimes, and that can only lead to an incredibly strained version of Always by Bon Jovi or James Morrison's Wonderful World. Why haven't any Karaoke people got The Chokin' Kind by Joss? I'm brilliant at that in my living room. Oh, yes. It's different, right?
Anyway this particular blog (I hate that word) is a bit crap. But that is what you get when you write it at 11.30 on a Thursday night having just come in from the Elephant Karaoke at which you got progressively worse with each song. I can only apologise. Work tomorrow and I can only hope that I get through it in one piece.
Until next time, loyal reader.
By Stephen Orford
22 January 2009