This is the first post on this blogspot (pardon my fuckwit language) since March 5 2009. Today's date is March 29 2010. We are a year further on and, upon returning to my work out of an interest re-ignited by something a friend said, I notice that I am the world's angriest person.
I'm not quite sure how this happened but the evidence is compelling. My assessment of Gok Wan following his appearance on the 2009 BRIT awards show spat more venom than a viper who has just received a phone call in the middle of Eastenders. Wan's crime on the night was only to present an award to some admittedly undeserved recipient. Yet I couldn't leave it there. I was incandescent with rage about Wan getting paid to sneer at people. Getting paid to sneer at people was probably my number one ambition before I started my current job. Irony eh?
On further inspection there were several other victims of my ire, not all of them alive enough to offer any kind of defence. Job interviews, karaoke (which I love, figure that out), family dos, people who don't like Joss Stone, people who do like Rihanna and Lily Allen, people who want to park their car in the same place at the same time as I do, The Ting-Tings and Estelle all managed to grind what Peter Griffin might call 'my gears'. These things seem relatively trivial even to me now, so where does all of this splenetic juice-firing come from, and what's the point?
Dry wit, that's what. When I'm churning out this stuff I am driven to do so by a faint amusement at the rubbishness of all of these things. So it is an attempt at humour which, when you read it back a year later, leaps off the page not as some kind of Newswipe-esque meandering but as a furious tirade against British culture. Something seems to get lost in the translation. I make the mistake of thinking at the time of writing that people will 'get me', when all but a select few are really thinking 'get him'.
So if dry wit leads me down this path ,where would 'wet wit' take me? Is there such a thing? If there is who are it's greatest (worst?) exponents? Uncomplicated humourists like James Corden and our mate Vegas make people laugh, so who am I to say that their wit is decidedly damp? Or that if it is that there is something wrong with that? They're the ones getting paid to be shit, after all. I'll be getting up for work again tomorrow morning and it is 11.41pm now. Laugh at that Orford.
Or do what you always do and just get angry...........in a dry, witty way.